To Whom It May Concern

You are a very disappointing human. I really can’t speak worse of someone! How else to describe someone who – for absolutely no reason – melts their cigarette butt into the middle of a strangers bicycle seat? You couldn’t have known that the seat was just two days old – had you known you probably would have enjoyed doing what you did even more!

You are despicable.

What really gets to me is that it actually took you more effort to push your cigarette into my bike seat than it would have to throw it on the ground! You must have been very careful not push too hard or too quick and accidentally put the ember out before it had a chance to melt right through the rubber covering and into the foam padding. All that effort – why? My bicycle was simply locked to a public fence. It wasn’t in anyone’s way or on anyone’s property. Why did you do this? Because you are not human.

You are an unthinking reptile.

Even covering the hole with duct tape couldn’t prevent rain from soaking into the foam while the bicycle was parked. Water that never evaporated, and was only released when squeezed out the hole and into my crotch every time I rode. For all those hours I sat at my desk with the seat of my pants cold and wet – I cursed you! But I was determined to get one riding season out of that seat. Determined because of both principle and budget.

And I did, you slug.